Isn’t It Time to Heal the Ouches?

Pretending doesn’t help. We have to feel it to heal.

by April Goff Brown

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Isn't it time to heal your ouch? Pretending it doesn't hurt doesn't help. Masking it with other feelings allows it to rear up at the most inopportune times. 


To heal the ouch we have to feel the ouch. We need to recognize the Goblin inside that likes to let you know he is here. The goblin that reminds us that we are unloved, unworthy, not smart, untalented, worthless, unimportant. You know the one. Which of the ouches does he like to keep up front and center for you?


Let’s look at a few different ouches that most of us feel at some point I believe. 


The Unworthiness Ouch - Feeling like you don't deserve effort, attention or respect, that you have little merit or value. This is so very painful and it denies us the ability to find joy and value in who we are. This is one of those stories brought to you by your goblin that you play over and over without even realizing it. This unworthiness story plays out in your relationships of all kinds. It prevents you from truly feeling your success or satisfaction because you really didn't deserve it, it was a fluke, and so on.


This was a big ouch for me that only got healed recently. While it wasn't in my face all the time, it was in the background, simmering, and every so often my goblin would show up and point out my unworthiness. It takes work sometimes to change the story of unworthiness, but once you do, it is amazing how light you feel, how right you feel, how happy you feel. because the true you is able to emerge. 


The Abandonment Ouch - Feeling abandoned leads to feeling unworthy which impacts our ability to have strong and healthy relationships. The one thing necessary in healing this ouch is to come to truly believe that it wasn't your fault. You did nothing to deserve it. 


This ouch is so painful that it may undergird many others. This goblin is unrelentless and shows up over and over to remind you that you aren't worthy of being seen or being loved. If that is the case, perhaps it is time to get help from a trained professional who can walk you through the hurt and help you come out feeling whole, or at least stronger.


The Broken Heart Ouch has hit us all at one time or another. You know the one where you fell madly in love with someone, only to have your heart broken at some later point. it may have been a fleeting relationship. It may have been a marriage that ended. It may have been a one-sided relationship and he moved on to someone else, crushing your hopes.


The ouch is the same - sadness, loss, fear, anger and any combination of these. And those feelings are real and need time to be worked through.  The key is working through them, sometimes on your own, sometimes the friends or family, sometimes with a therapist. 


Why do we experience ouches? We don’t want them, but they are important to experience so that we can truly come to know ourselves. 


I now understand my Unworthiness ouch was an interpretation of childhood experiences that weren’t accurate and I have changed that story to look at little April and appreciate how she just knew, instinctively, that what she thought was unworthiness was really self-preservation in a world of chaos and noise.


I understand my Broken Heart ouch, of which there were several, as ways to help me understand me, what I needed in a relationship, to understand what I deserved in a relationship.  I see now the roles I played in ensuring my heart would get broken.


I even can understand my Abandonment ouch. I can recall painful incidents where I wasn’t fully accepted and now as I look back, I understand that I am not everyone’s “cup of tea” and that me and my uniqueness had a challenging time figuring out where I would play in the world. But I got there. I learned discernment and acceptance. I don’t have to fit in everywhere.


But first, to get to where I am today, I had to health the ouches.  Understand, when you get into that process,  that little goblin can wreak havoc. Just when you think you're starting to be okay, he comes back with that little nagging voice. He wants to stay. 


When you've begun to heal your ouches, his voice gets smaller and weaker, his substance becomes transparent, and his weight diminishes in great measure. He's on his way to becoming useless and homeless. He needs to find that proverbial rock to climb under and go to sleep.


What's the status of your goblin?? 

Is he getting smaller, losing weight? 


Then congratulations on working to heal your ouch, whichever type you've had. Take your step into the light and shine for us all to see. You are amazing. Life is beautiful beyond the ouch.